walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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