I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
