I hate all girls vehemently.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
