I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
There's even glitter on my cock...
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