I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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