my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
