where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
