I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
