So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i drank out of a bidet.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
