great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
