it's too hot outside to masturbate.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
