The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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