FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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