I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
