like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
