all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
