I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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