i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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