i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize