I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
