Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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