I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
