I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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