woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
