"it" just moved
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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