Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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