I accidentally had phone sex last night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
