he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize