Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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