Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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