Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
