I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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