If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You're breaking my sexual little heart
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
