don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think a kid would responsible me up
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
