I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
