10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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