Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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