I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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