She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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