Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
