In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
