i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
