We're like a lot better than the average bears
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
