NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
