Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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