I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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