I'm sorry my penis didn't work
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize