Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
