There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
