Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
