Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
