She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
