State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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