it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
