i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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