u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
