The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
