Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
