is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
