best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
