Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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