I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
