He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
