If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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