i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
