Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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