I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
