he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
