Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
