You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
