Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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